Posted on Friday 19Th Feb 2010 10pm
Check out case study number 4 on the above web link!
My first husband died very suddenly when we were both just 26 years old. He was a fantastic husband and we had been together from the age of 19. Our son Samuel was just 6 months old when Steve died and to be honest I really did not know how to cope with the loss or being a single parent, widow or just simply being single after so many years. I lost the plot as they say but luckily I had a wonderful family who guided me and helped me through it. My point in telling you all of this is one of Steve's friends was so supportive to me in the early days after his death I really found I had become to rely upon him. Silly things like helping me put the bin out (we lived in a terraced house and quite frankly I would struggle to carry the damn thing through the house to the pavement to be collected) or helping me with the garden or decorating. It never occurred to me that he may have had an ulterior motive. How naive I hear you all scream but in the depths of grief and being a new mother I was oblivious.
I found myself noticing things being done in the garden when I got home from work. I asked him and yes he was doing me a good deed. I also noticed that he would ask me where I was going for lunch or if I was planning on going out at the weekend with my son. Whenever I told him he would turn up and to be honest often I was glad. Finally after around 7 months of this he asked me out. I was horrified and immediately said no explaining that I was still in the depths of grief. Needless to say he did not dig up my husband (as in case study number 4) or start hounding me but he did continue to turn up at the same places as I was on a regular basis. Was he stalking me? I Should I have done something different? No. I think not. He met a girl about a year later and they are now married with two children. I am also re married and we are all friends.
Perhaps people panic at the thought of being stalked and I know I was an unusual case but I could have accused him of stalking and perhaps in a way he was. I do think that each case should be studied and examined carefully before accusations are made. I also feel if the individual involved knows the potential stalker and feels safe to do so they should talk to them. Set out clear boundries and point out when they feel uncomfortable or threatened by a situation.
If they do not know the stalker but have evidence to suggest they are being stalked then the web site above has some fantastic starting points for self help and also some legal advice.
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